In immediately’s coaching Ray speaks with laser teaching visitor about the way to stick up for your self within the psychological blocks it has if you’re unable to.
If you wish to see the total coaching click on HERE or the picture under…
Laser Teaching
Ray Higdon: We obtained Cristina. Cristina, what’s occurring?
Cristina: Good morning, Ray. Thanks a lot for having me. Recognize your time.
Ray Higdon: Completely. My pleasure. My pleasure. So inform me the place you’re at. How can I assist?
Cristina: Properly, first off, I simply wish to congratulate whoever will get Time, Cash, Freedom. I simply began it and I’ve to inform you, I’m on rule quantity two, and it’s the best reward anybody may actually have. The golden nuggets that you simply and Jessica present are actually life-changing to me. So, I simply wish to say your children are very fortunate to have you ever guys as mother and father and all of the golden nuggets that they get each single day, and so they’re going to develop as much as be some fairly wonderful people. So, thanks.
Ray Higdon: Thanks. I admire that. That’s superior.
Cristina: So I’m coping with, and it sounds a bit of loopy, I’m coping with quite a lot of voices in my head. Quite a lot of very conflicting voices in my head. I don’t know if it comes right down to issues that I’ve been coping with in my previous. I don’t know if it comes right down to my profession. However I used to be in tv for 10 years and being in tv, it’s a dog-eat-dog world. You sometimes don’t are inclined to ask for assist, as a result of it reveals a weak spot. You’re imagined to exude confidence and assertiveness.
Ray Higdon: What sort of tv?
Cristina: So I hosted my very own morning present for native tv. Previous to that, I used to be your climate lady for a very fashionable Spanish morning present, which was a nationwide present, which was form of the height of my profession, which was wonderful. However sadly, the best way that I achieved that place was from my native morning present that I used to be doing right here in San Antonio, however it was a place that I’d by no means achieved. I by no means studied meteorology, and I used to be one of many fairly women, the climate women, and pointing at numbers.
And my contract was for one yr and it was a three-hour present and each hour, I might come on. And each time I might come on, I might current the climate. After which Twitter was massive on the time, so on my telephone, I’d get notifications of, it was normally males making feedback about my look, after which ladies making feedback about my lack of information in climate and the rationale why I obtained on there. So I feel that
Ray Higdon: One of the best of each worlds, proper?
Cristina: Yeah, the very best. And I feel that actually obtained into my head. And if you hear that a number of instances a day, each single day, you begin to imagine it. And I assumed, I imply, “Why? Yeah, it’s true. I’m unfit of this. I’m not a meteorologist. I shouldn’t be doing this.” And now that I discovered community advertising, I see such unimaginable potential, and I adore it. I want there wasn’t that stigma that it has, as a result of I’ve by no means discovered a lot about myself. Because of community advertising, because of Rank Makers. I imply, it’s so arduous, however simply to see that objective, it’s thrilling, and to see the potential and what individuals can obtain. However not too long ago, we had our firm reunion celebration, the annual conferences that the community advertising firms do. We not too long ago had ours.
And also you see all of the profitable individuals going up on stage, and I see this one specific girl, she has seven children and he or she was in tv and I assumed, “Wow, she was in tv and he or she’s obtained children.” And I may relate to her. However once I heard her discuss, Ray, she didn’t stutter. She had an enormous smile. She was assertive. She had so many qualities that I want I had. For me, it’s been extra of appearing assured, however I feel that’s coming by way of in my prospecting, as a result of I’m anticipating. I’m used to presenting info and it being acquired.
And now, I’m looking for out and it’s both no response or messages being ignored, and it’s one thing that I’m not used to, and it will get to my head greater than I’d wish to admit. And I do know you. I’ve listened to you and also you’re like, “I’m going for 20 nos a day and it simply rubs off on me and I don’t care.” And I discover it actually admirable that you simply’ve acquired that thick pores and skin, that you simply’re in a position to speak about your previous and with out breaking apart. And so for me, it simply looks like such a distant… A part of me thinks, “I don’t assume I can do it. I don’t assume.” However then my different voice says, “Sure, you possibly can.” However how? Apply?
Ray Higdon: Certain. So how was rising up? Have been your mother and father robust on you or what did you expertise then?
Cristina: So my mother and father divorced once I was younger. My dad was an alcoholic and he handed away, after which my mother remarried and he or she had my stepdad, who was a beautiful father, however he was very robust. Very, very robust. And I recall one occasion, he beloved chemistry.
Ray Higdon: How outdated have been you once they divorced?
Cristina: Six. And I witnessed quite a lot of
Ray Higdon: Did you blame your self?
Cristina: No. At the moment, it was extra of why do we have now to separate? I used to be scared. I knew why, as a result of there was bodily abuse, there was quite a lot of yelling, and on account of that, I keep away from confrontation in any respect prices. However I by no means questioned why. I understood why. I simply wished that it was totally different.
Ray Higdon: So if you say you keep away from confrontation in any respect prices, it signifies that you’re not placing your self first. It signifies that you’re not you, and the way you’re feeling and what you assume isn’t the precedence. And if you’re not the precedence, then it’s simple to succumb to the opinions of others. Do you perceive that?
Cristina: Yeah. Like Jerry McGuire, “I’m not going to cry, Roy.” I completely agree. I agree. And I feel it’s additionally as a result of I don’t even know the way to argue. I stutter. I get scared. It’s a type of issues that I stroll away and I’m like, “I ought to have mentioned that. Why don’t you say that, Cristina? Why don’t you might have sufficient self respect to defend your self?” However I can’t. I block. My thoughts simply goes clean and I’m simply clean. I can’t say something.
Ray Higdon: So there was most likely a time, and I’m betting round six, the place you stood up for your self and it was a really unhealthy outcome. Did you might have something like that, the place you tried to make use of your voice and tried to face up for your self and it went the opposite manner? No?
Cristina: Possibly as a result of I’m on the spot proper now and I can’t bear in mind, however I’ve to consider that.
Ray Higdon: And I’ll inform you, typically I do one in all these teaching periods and somebody messages me later and says, “Oh my God, I considered this time that I’d completely forgotten.” That’s quite common, as a result of your non-conscious thoughts is defending you, and that’s why we neglect the previous. I didn’t even keep in mind that steerage counselor betraying me once I was within the third grade. And that was actually being blocked from me, as a result of to maintain me secure from some hurt that occurred prior to now, your non-conscious thoughts will really block that out. You’ll neglect the previous.
I bear in mind teaching a woman and we have been speaking and he or she goes, “Actually, I don’t actually even bear in mind my mother.” And she or he didn’t cross till she was 20 or one thing like that. And so there was a lot ache there, that the thoughts simply constructed a wall and she will be able to’t even bear in mind any of it. So it’s very, quite common for us to neglect issues that actually damage us, as a result of it doesn’t need us to determine these issues out as a result of then we’ll be in peril. So if we stood up for ourselves, or we blame ourselves for one thing and it damage us, we’ll typically say, “Let’s not try this once more. Uh-uh (unfavorable). No thanks.” And so, properly, how do you not do it once more? Simply construct up a non-reason wall the place you simply don’t try this.
Cristina: what I feel, Ray? And as I hear you speaking, I feel it stems from my mom defending herself. So when my dad would come residence
Ray Higdon: So observing somebody standing up for herself, for themself?
Cristina: Sure.
Ray Higdon: That is smart.
Cristina: Sure. My dad would come residence. Nation music can be blasting. So, that was my set off. And to this present day, it’s very arduous for me to take heed to nation music. I’m coming round. After which I might hear nation music blasting, arguments, after which it could be simply beatings. It was beatings. So for me-
Ray Higdon: I’m so sorry.
Cristina: Thanks.
Ray Higdon: I’m so sorry you skilled that.
Cristina: And so clearly, it’s one thing that I nonetheless must work on. I’m getting emotional. That’s why I like a lot your means to talk issues that, to me, I don’t even know the place I might be, if I went by way of what you went by way of. And to see you offers me quite a lot of hope. However I feel it’s one thing that I nonetheless must work on and heal.
Ray Higdon: For certain. Yeah, that’s not a possibly. That’s a for certain. And that is smart. For those who witness somebody as influential as your mother arise for herself and it ended poorly, then we are able to very simply draw the conclusion of, oh, properly, I higher not defend myself. And that might make sense, why Twitter knuckleheads would mess you up, is you not eager to defend your self and, I imply, it simply makes quite a lot of sense. I’m so sorry you needed to expertise that.
Cristina: Thanks. I admire that. And I like my mother, as a result of she’s nonetheless simply as robust and he or she nonetheless defends herself it doesn’t matter what. And I want I had that trait that she has, as a result of she doesn’t take beep from anyone.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. Properly, you possibly can have that. Now that you simply’re conscious of, hey, I’m conscious that I don’t stick up for myself, you possibly can have that consciousness. And I might assume there’s nothing, particularly since, I adore it that you simply mentioned you admire her, the most important manner you possibly can honor somebody that you simply respect, that sticks up for themselves, is study to stay up for your self.
That’s the most important manner that you may honor her is to learn to stick up for your self. And so, one, I’m keen to guess she would like to mentor you on that. And go to her and say, “Hey, I’ve come to the conclusion that as a child, I simply noticed you undergo a lot. And as a child, I simply drew this conclusion to not stick up for myself. Are you able to assist me with this?” And I might ask her. I guess she would completely love that, to have the ability to mentor you on that.
Cristina: I admire that. I feel so. I feel a part of me, and half, I feel, I haven’t achieved it’s as a result of she’s in very protection mode. So it appears as if quite a lot of relationships have been torn on account of her sticking up herself an excessive amount of, to the purpose the place it’s virtually like a continuing chip in your shoulder.
Ray Higdon: We’re all in response, okay? You’re in response from seeing her. She’s in response from seeing whoever. I don’t know if it was her mother or dad, I don’t know who it was, however she drew the conclusion that I’m not going to be handled that manner. I’m going to stay up for myself. So I don’t know if your grandma or grandpa, however maybe one in all them was a pushover and your mother discovered, I’m not going to be that.
So we’re all reactionary beings. All of us observe issues as a child, and we drew this conclusion, however so did our mother and father too. And it goes on, and on, and on, and on. And it’s quite common for somebody that’s at all times defensive, such as you’re saying, to wrestle with relationships, as a result of they’re at all times beating them to the punch, proper? Let me not allow them to damage me. However that additionally prevents individuals from loving them too. And in order that’s why I feel it could be very highly effective so that you can discuss to her about that, as a result of she may most definitely study one thing from you as properly, and also you study that sticking up for your self too. I feel that might be very highly effective.
Cristina: Yeah, come to a cheerful medium, the place it’s not an excessive amount of or to not the purpose for me, I’m a individuals pleaser and a pushover and can do no matter I can to make you cheerful. As a result of so long as you’re pleased, then I’ll be okay. Don’t fear about myself.
Ray Higdon: Proper.
Cristina: So I simply don’t need that to mirror in my enterprise, and that’s what I’m attempting to work on. And I’m so grateful that Marcella set this up with us, so thanks.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. And one factor I’ll share with you, one last item right here, as a result of I see my buddy, Hank, on right here as properly. The primary main break, actual breakthrough, that I had occurred within the final two years. And so I used to be working with a coach, and he’s the one which one of many workouts he had me do is return to my youthful self and inform my youthful self that I used to be going to develop up and every little thing was going to be nice. I’d have an ideal enterprise. I’d have an incredible spouse, had an ideal household, make tens of millions of {dollars}, have numerous followers, yada, yada. And so I do that train and I used to be in hypnosis. He’s a hypnotist. And he requested me, he’s like, “How did that really feel?” And he didn’t imagine me. And so the attention-grabbing factor about that train is there isn’t a little child. That’s really your unconscious. So actually, I didn’t imagine it. So I-
Cristina: You didn’t imagine what?
Ray Higdon: I didn’t imagine my actuality. And that’s one thing that Hank is suggesting, and I’m suggesting too, that you simply completed these issues. Whether or not somebody has an opinion on how good you’re a meteorologist are or not, you have been there. You probably did these issues. And it jogs my memory, I don’t know should you’ve ever heard of Rachael Ray.
Cristina: Love her.
Ray Higdon: You’ve heard of Rachael Ray?
Cristina: Yeah.
Ray Higdon: Properly, Rachael Ray, I don’t know if her story, however she didn’t know the way to cook dinner a rattling factor. And she or he instructed individuals, I neglect the precise circumstances, however she will get interviewed and he or she BSs her manner by way of after which learns cooking. And so this isn’t a, hey, you’re out of your league, or, hey, you don’t deserve that. You bought that. And so again to my story of, my youthful self, which is basically my unconscious, didn’t imagine this stuff. And I noticed that for all of our marriage, up till the final two years, once I would describe Jess, I might describe her a technique. Unbelievable. I’d say, “I’ve an unbelievable spouse.” And it’s actually as a result of I didn’t imagine my actuality. I didn’t imagine it.
So should you don’t imagine your actuality, it may slip out from below you very simply. And also you present up in a manner as should you don’t have these issues, regardless that you do. You present up as should you’re not that individual, regardless that you might be. And so I might simply encourage you to embrace that of you probably did these issues, you completed these issues, and that’s superior.
And, I imply, day-after-day, I get totally different opinions thrown at me, accusing me of this, of that, of this, no matter. And so there’ll by no means be an absence of opinions. The one time that you simply’re not going to get any conflicting opinions, should you play so small, nobody ever notices. And that’s not your future. Your future is to develop into one thing actually, actually wonderful. You already are, however even go to that subsequent stage of impacting extra individuals and serving to extra individuals, as a result of there’s lots of people that resonate along with your story. You’ll be able to see that within the feedback proper right here. And so I do assume that you simply spending that point along with your mother and don’t be hooked on her altering, proper? However getting that mentoring and having some therapeutic there, I feel it could be very, very useful for you and likewise her.
Cristina: And her. Each of us. I feel so, too. Thanks.
Ray Higdon: After which let’s make sure that, I wish to hear an replace on how issues are going. So I imagine you’re in Internal Circle and so I wish to make sure that we get an replace, however I feel that’d be motion step for you subsequent.
Cristina: Okay. Sure. And she or he’s within the subsequent room. So we’re going to have a fast discuss once I see her.
Ray Higdon: Superior. And this was useful?
Cristina: Thanks a lot, Ray. I admire your time. Very useful. Very useful. Child steps. Child steps. And one other factor why I like the Time, Cash, Freedom is my why, after which my imaginative and prescient. And I didn’t know that there’s greater than why. In order that guide is, oh my God. I’m taking notes. As I’m taking notes, I’m like, “Oh my God, I’m simply verbatim scripting this guide onto my laptop, my audio guide.” As a result of, each single phrase is so worthwhile. It’s actually, actually one thing particular. So thanks. And my mother simply ordered it on Amazon, so I can’t watch for her to learn it too.
Ray Higdon: That’s superior. Properly, thanks, Cristina. Thanks for being weak and I’m happy with you.
Cristina: Thanks.
Ray Higdon: I’m happy with what you’ve achieved and I do know you’re going to do some actually cool stuff too.
Cristina: And hopefully be just right for you sooner or later.
Ray Higdon: Okay. All proper. Put it on the market.
Cristina: For you and Jess. Thanks very a lot. Recognize your time.
Ray Higdon: Recognize you.
