Confidence results in success, and a insecurity results in weak objectives, setting the bar too low, and mediocre outcomes. In right this moment’s matter, Ray will talk about the best way to use that confidence to herald the outcomes you need and succeed.
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Draw The Proper Conclusion To Success
Ray Higdon: We’ve interior circle consumer Roberta Collins. Roberta, how are you?
Roberta Collins: I’m fantastic. Thanks.
Ray Higdon: All proper. Superior. Effectively welcome. Excited to work with you and see how we can assist you. So inform me a bit of bit, the place are you at. The place are you at proper now?
Roberta Collins: Proper now, I need to construct a crew. I’ve a crew, however I need to develop my crew, I ought to say. However each time I recruit somebody, I step again and I don’t do something for months. I can recruit them in after which I don’t, I simply cease. I imply, I need to do it once more in, however I don’t till some later time after which I’ll do it once more. So I don’t–
Ray Higdon: Proper. Is there something that triggers you doing it once more? So that you recruit somebody, you cover out, after which is there something that triggers you to do it once more? Or is that simply randomly or what do you assume?
Roberta Collins: I feel in the event that they strategy me or if they are saying one thing to me, then I’ve the inexperienced mild. If they are saying one thing first.
Ray Higdon: Do you imply the individual you recruited or a prospect?
Roberta Collins: The prospect.
Ray Higdon: So simply another random prospect, if they are saying one thing to you, you’ll recruit them?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So let me ask you this. For those who had somebody asking you each single day, if you happen to had a distinct individual asking you each single day, would you simply recruit all of them or what would occur?
Roberta Collins: I most likely would recruit all of them.
Ray Higdon: Okay. It appears like possibly the way you’ve gotten your recruit as far as you reached out to them?
Roberta Collins: I’ve reached out to them, sure.
Ray Higdon: So that you attain out to them, you get somebody to say sure, then you definitely cease reaching out?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So I can inform you that what I’ve discovered is folks that battle with consistency, it’s nearly at all times as a result of they draw the improper conclusion to success. There’s one thing about success that they’re fearful will hurt them. There’s loads of completely different causes that I’ve seen over time. So do you’ve gotten this sample solely in community advertising and marketing or do you’ve gotten it in different issues?
Roberta Collins: No, simply my enterprise.
Ray Higdon: Okay.
Roberta Collins: In community advertising and marketing.
Ray Higdon: Do you’ve gotten a job proper now or no?
Roberta Collins: Sure, I do.
Ray Higdon: How do you do there? You are feeling fairly good about that?
Roberta Collins: Sure. I create on-line programs.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So you’re employed for somebody that creates on-line programs otherwise you create your personal?
Roberta Collins: No, I personally, I create on-line programs for my firm, for my employer.
Ray Higdon: In your employer. Okay. So that you’re not likely doing the promoting. You’re creating, they go and promote it. Roberta Collins: Proper.
Ray Higdon: Okay.
Roberta Collins: However simply to present you one other aspect of it, I was profitable and one other enterprise over 20 years in the past.
Roberta Collins: After I moved to Florida, my then husband was very… Oh, he didn’t care that I used to be profitable. He simply was on me on a regular basis till I simply give up. I walked away.
Ray Higdon: So that you walked away from the enterprise. Did you stroll away from the husband?
Roberta Collins: No, simply the enterprise.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So this most likely, no less than in my expertise, it normally stems from one thing that occurred earlier. But when we simply take what you simply stated, if you happen to draw the conclusion that if I create success, I’m simply going to must stroll away anyway, the pure conclusion is why trouble? Do you see what I imply? For those who create this, if I attain this proper right here, then there’s going to be issues so let’s simply not attain this proper right here. The best way to not attain this proper right here is simply, don’t be constant. You’ll by no means attain that. How does that sound?
Roberta Collins: Sounds just like me.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. I imply, normally this comes from one thing that you simply noticed earlier, proper? So what’s actually frequent is if you happen to noticed a guardian or a grandparent, uncle, if you happen to noticed a member of the family succeed after which lose all of it, that stays with us. The best way for you to not lose all of it is simply don’t acquire all of it. That’s the one assure, as a result of there isn’t any assure as you win that that gained’t come out from beneath you. So the one method to assure not lose massive is simply don’t win massive. Then there’s nothing to actually lose. Did you see any relations or individuals near you that succeeded after which misplaced it if you had been youthful?
Roberta Collins: Not that I can actually recall, however after I considered it right this moment, this morning after I was enthusiastic about it, I used to be speaking to my mother and she or he died whereas I used to be speaking to her, after which my aunt stated, oh, that I by no means was going to be something. I by no means was going to do something or be anyone as a result of I might simply have infants.
Ray Higdon: That’s what your aunt stated you. Is she the one which began caring for you after your mother?
Roberta Collins: No, my dad took care of me after which he remarried shortly afterwards. I had a stepmom who had two daughters, however they’d get every little thing and I might get the hand me downs and I didn’t get to locations, solely they received to go locations and do issues. I attempted to inform my dad and he didn’t consider me. So I simply stored quiet about it. So we had been doing good. Every little thing was going good. Regardless that I wasn’t being handled proper. I used to be doing good. My dad had an important job. He was doing all he might for this new spouse and I simply noticed it as they’d every little thing and I didn’t have something.
Ray Higdon: Did you attempt onerous as a child to attempt to present them that you simply had been good?
Roberta Collins: Sure. I began work after I was 13. I simply labored like no matter I can do. I went to highschool, went to school. I did every little thing that I might to indicate them that I’m going to be anyone, however I at all times felt that I used to be missing someplace. So my husband who you stated did I stroll with away from, finally, sure, I ultimately walked away from him. Effectively, really he walked away from me. So I simply at all times really feel like I’m at all times within the background attempting to catch up, attempting to place my finest foot ahead, so.
Ray Higdon: You’re attempting to–
Roberta Collins: If I don’t recruit anyone, then I wouldn’t must move that on to them.
Ray Higdon: Say that once more.
Roberta Collins: If I recruit somebody I take into consideration I don’t need to move that on them.
Ray Higdon: Cross what onto them?
Roberta Collins: That feeling of I’m by no means going to get wherever. I don’t need them to really feel that they’re not going to get wherever.
Ray Higdon: As a result of that’s the way you had been made to really feel and also you’re rebelling towards that. So I’m sorry you went by way of that. You didn’t deserve that and that sucks. Along with your experiences, it’s very straightforward to attract the conclusion of not simply what you simply stated, which I’ll come again to, however why trouble? Hey, I attempted like hell as a child, I attempted like hell as a younger grownup, I attempted like hell right here and what did it get me? Why trouble? So there’s a quote that I usually go to. I simply talked about it right this moment really. I don’t need to butcher it so [inaudible].
So Brene Brown, you both stroll inside your story and personal it otherwise you stand outdoors your story and hustle on your worthiness. So that you’ve been hustle on your worthiness, however then additionally it’s like, properly, why trouble as a result of it’s not going to work out anyway? It by no means does.
I can establish with one factor that you simply stated of you by no means felt, you didn’t say the phrase, however for me it was, I by no means felt like a precedence. So my entire life, I projected that onto each relationship I ever had, together with Jess up till simply the final, I simply realized this and discovered this six months in the past, so even as much as six months in the past, I used to be nonetheless projecting this. The best way that I dealt with it was, you realize what, I’m not the precedence, however that’s okay. I’ll work onerous. I’ll maintain up my finish of the discount, nevertheless it’s okay that I’m not the precedence.
The issue is you discover what you search, you discover… For those who’re searching for that, you’ll discover proof each time. However it simply doesn’t serve you. It’s like we’re combating for this contest to win this contest that could be a horrible contest, proper? Let me show why it’s not going to work out. Let me show why I’m not the precedence.
So you may stay inside your story and what that may appear like is you being prepared to share what you went by way of and that may really deliver hope to individuals, that may really deliver inspiration to individuals and to lots of people that don’t consider they will succeed or don’t consider that they will obtain, that it might really encourage them. I don’t know. Have been you in a position to catch Rank Makers Reside? Did you catch that in any respect?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: So Hank did an important job of speaking about this in that you simply converse to the individual, you converse to you, proper, what did it is advisable hear, proper. Even on this second, proper, what did it is advisable hear? You’re enthusiastic about that individual of that individual that has hustled for his or her worthiness their entire life solely to by no means get satisfaction to get, hey, that was value it, to solely draw the conclusion of why trouble. So you may converse to that individual, you may take into consideration that individual as you construct your corporation. I had loads of issues not work out. I imply, I went by way of a divorce. I used to be engaged, disengaged. I imply, I failed.
Right here’s all of the issues I failed at. I imply, I failed at a dozen community advertising and marketing corporations earlier than I turned the primary earnings earner of 1. I failed at a title firm. I failed in mortgage. I failed in actual property. I failed in promoting. I’m certain I’m forgetting a number of as a result of I simply blocked them out or one thing. However the are so many issues that I failed at. The truth is that doesn’t must be a life sentence. You not reaching the life that you simply actually need and deserve, you are able to do that. It doesn’t must be a life sentence, that as a result of we didn’t get handled the way in which we must always have been handled as a child means we’re doomed. Does that make sense?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: So you may create an entire new future. You can begin, you may embrace the idea that you may create something that you really want. With that consciousness of now I perceive why possibly I’ve sabotaged or possibly why I wasn’t so constant, with that consciousness, you’re now not on autopilot. So I used to be teaching one in all our interior circle coaches, not yours, however a distinct one, and so I made her conscious that the rationale she doesn’t like recognition is as a result of she attracts adverse associations due to her older sibling and youthful sibling. She’s a center youngster.
So if you happen to develop up as a baby, whether or not you’re the youngest, oldest, center, no matter, and also you getting consideration creates ache for one of many siblings, then you definitely’re going to attract recognition equals ache. So that you’ll really sabotage your self. She requested me a query. She stated, “Effectively, how I alter this in my unconscious?” When you’re conscious of it, it’s not simply in your unconscious now. You’re conscious of it. So now you’re conscious, oh, because of this I’ve stopped being constant. Does that make sense initially? Are you conscious now?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: As a result of earlier than, you’re most likely on autopilot. You’re like, “Why? I simply don’t really feel like doing it. I’m not doing it. I don’t know why.”
Roberta Collins: Proper.
Ray Higdon: That’s the place most individuals are. Most individuals have completely no concept why they’re not constant. So that they purchase one other journal. They purchase one other course. They do one thing else. They get new fridge magnets. They write new affirmations. However if you happen to’re not conscious of what the core cause is why you’re not constant, then you definitely’re simply going to remain in that program irrespective of what number of trinkets and crystals and issues that, no matter, it simply doesn’t matter.
When you get conscious, now you’ve gotten a selection, now you may say and also you’ll really feel, you’ll most probably, it’s very doubtless you’ll nonetheless really feel that muscle, proper? You’ll recruit anyone after which be like, you’ll really feel that muscle, however you’ll know why and you may make a distinct selection. Is that useful?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: You assume, you’re feeling like you are able to do it? You are feeling like you may recruit somebody and keep on the horse?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: As a result of I simply assume if you happen to take a look at the feedback, I don’t know if you happen to can see them or not, however if you happen to return and take a look at the replay and take a look at the feedback, there’s lots of people which are impressed by you, lots of people which are telling you that you simply didn’t deserve that, since you completely didn’t. You stated one thing of, I neglect the way you worded it, however loads of instances individuals which were by way of a kind of abuse, which that could be a sort of abuse, proper? A few of us get the bodily abuse, a few of us get the psychological abuse, a few of us get each, and lots of people that undergo abuse, we, I say me, proper, you begin to assume that you simply’re the one damaged, you’re the one which’s tousled. You’re not the one which’s tousled.
The folks that parented you and gave you recommendation, they did the very best they may with what they knew primarily based on their experiences. I’ve heard horrible, horrible issues. Once more, it’s primarily based on what that individual knew primarily based on their experiences. They did the very best they may. There are some individuals on the market that they solely have skilled cruelty. They’ve solely skilled not lifting different individuals up, not caring. So simply know that you simply’re not damaged. You didn’t deserve it. Your story can encourage individuals. It has tonight.
The extra that you simply keep constant and begin creating extra outcomes, the extra individuals you’ll encourage and that can… Then sooner or later you’ll look and be like, “Man, I bear in mind the day after I thought I wasn’t adequate. However now all these individuals I’ve helped, all these individuals which are thanking me on social media, which are thanking me from stage, which are succeeding, it’ll actually really feel good and it’s a very long time coming.”
Roberta Collins: I settle for it.
Ray Higdon: So useful? Do you’re feeling good for it?
Roberta Collins: Sure, I do. I used to be listening to some issues right this moment and I used to be like, “Oh wow. I imply, that was actually form of like a lightweight bulb.” Then in fact I used to be like, “Ought to I’m going on right here? Ought to I coach it Ray or not?” I nearly modified my thoughts.
Ray Higdon: That’s that’s the identification. We’ve an dependancy to our identification, of how massive we play, how we present up, how constant we’re, what we consider ourselves. Once we begin to enter right into a realm that challenges that identification, it’s a battle. You’re combating a bucking bronco. It needs to remain the identical as a result of it sees that if I keep the identical, I’ll be protected. At the least I do know this world. It’s not the world I would like. It’s not my potential, however no less than I do know it. I can’t get harm that dangerous. If I don’t have any expectations, then you may’t actually harm me a lot. It needs to maintain us protected.
So it’s quite common for us to sabotage that subsequent transfer or no less than ponder sabotaging, which you didn’t sabotage, you confirmed up tonight and this simply wouldn’t have occurred if you happen to weren’t prepared for that, for the transformation, if you happen to weren’t able to, like Joe Dispenza says, cross the stream and enter that new identification. So I feel you’re going to encourage lots of people with this and I recognize you taking part in massive and being susceptible on right here.
Roberta Collins: Thanks for having me.
Ray Higdon: For certain. Effectively, we’re rooting for you and I do know Forrest is just too, that’s your coach, proper? Forrest?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. He’s within the feedback. He’s rooting for you. He’s most likely crying proper now. Wipe these tears Forrest. Step it up. However we’re rooting for you Roberta, actually happy with you and be sure to return and take a look at these feedback as a result of there’s lots of people rooting for you and we consider in you.
Roberta Collins: Thanks. I’ve by no means heard that earlier than, that I’m happy with you.
Ray Higdon: We’re happy with you. You’re going to assist lots of people. You’re going to assist lots of people which have had comparable circumstances as you, proper? They’ve heard comparable issues. They’ve been informed that they wouldn’t out to something both. I used to be informed that too. So go on the market and assist them out.
Roberta Collins: Okay.
Ray Higdon: All proper.
Roberta Collins: Okay.
Ray Higdon: All proper, Roberta. Give Roberta some love. Isn’t she superb? So superior. Respect you.
Roberta Collins: Thanks.
