Confidence results in success, and a insecurity results in weak targets, setting the bar too low, and mediocre outcomes. In at the moment’s matter, Ray will focus on tips on how to use that confidence to usher in the outcomes you need and succeed.
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Draw The Proper Conclusion To Success
Ray Higdon: We now have internal circle consumer Roberta Collins. Roberta, how are you?
Roberta Collins: I’m fantastic. Thanks.
Ray Higdon: All proper. Superior. Effectively welcome. Excited to work with you and see how we will help you. So inform me just a little bit, the place are you at. The place are you at proper now?
Roberta Collins: Proper now, I need to construct a staff. I’ve a staff, however I need to develop my staff, I ought to say. However each time I recruit somebody, I step again and I don’t do something for months. I can recruit them in after which I don’t, I simply cease. I imply, I need to do it once more in, however I don’t till some later time after which I’ll do it once more. So I don’t–
Ray Higdon: Proper. Is there something that triggers you doing it once more? So that you recruit somebody, you conceal out, after which is there something that triggers you to do it once more? Or is that simply randomly or what do you assume?
Roberta Collins: I feel in the event that they strategy me or if they are saying one thing to me, then I’ve the inexperienced mild. If they are saying one thing first.
Ray Higdon: Do you imply the individual you recruited or a prospect?
Roberta Collins: The prospect.
Ray Higdon: So simply another random prospect, if they are saying one thing to you, you’ll recruit them?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So let me ask you this. Should you had somebody asking you each single day, if you happen to had a special individual asking you each single day, would you simply recruit all of them or what would occur?
Roberta Collins: I in all probability would recruit all of them.
Ray Higdon: Okay. It seems like perhaps the way you’ve gotten your recruit as far as you reached out to them?
Roberta Collins: I’ve reached out to them, sure.
Ray Higdon: So that you attain out to them, you get somebody to say sure, you then cease reaching out?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So I can inform you that what I’ve discovered is people who battle with consistency, it’s virtually all the time as a result of they draw the incorrect conclusion to success. There’s one thing about success that they’re apprehensive will hurt them. There’s a variety of totally different causes that I’ve seen through the years. So do you have got this sample solely in community advertising and marketing or do you have got it in different issues?
Roberta Collins: No, simply my enterprise.
Ray Higdon: Okay.
Roberta Collins: In community advertising and marketing.
Ray Higdon: Do you have got a job proper now or no?
Roberta Collins: Sure, I do.
Ray Higdon: How do you do there? You are feeling fairly good about that?
Roberta Collins: Sure. I create on-line programs.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So you’re employed for somebody that creates on-line programs otherwise you create your personal?
Roberta Collins: No, I personally, I create on-line programs for my firm, for my employer.
Ray Higdon: To your employer. Okay. So that you’re not likely doing the promoting. You’re creating, they go and promote it. Roberta Collins: Proper.
Ray Higdon: Okay.
Roberta Collins: However simply to offer you one other aspect of it, I was profitable and one other enterprise over 20 years in the past.
Roberta Collins: After I moved to Florida, my then husband was very… Oh, he didn’t care that I used to be profitable. He simply was on me on a regular basis till I simply stop. I walked away.
Ray Higdon: So that you walked away from the enterprise. Did you stroll away from the husband?
Roberta Collins: No, simply the enterprise.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So this in all probability, no less than in my expertise, it normally stems from one thing that occurred earlier. But when we simply take what you simply stated, if you happen to draw the conclusion that if I create success, I’m simply going to should stroll away anyway, the pure conclusion is why hassle? Do you see what I imply? Should you create this, if I attain this proper right here, then there’s going to be issues so let’s simply not attain this proper right here. The best way to not attain this proper right here is simply, don’t be constant. You’ll by no means attain that. How does that sound?
Roberta Collins: Sounds just like me.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. I imply, normally this comes from one thing that you just noticed earlier, proper? So what’s actually widespread is if you happen to noticed a mum or dad or a grandparent, uncle, if you happen to noticed a member of the family succeed after which lose all of it, that stays with us. The best way for you to not lose all of it is simply don’t achieve all of it. That’s the one assure, as a result of there isn’t a assure as you win that that gained’t come out from below you. So the one approach to assure not lose massive is simply don’t win massive. Then there’s nothing to actually lose. Did you see any members of the family or individuals near you that succeeded after which misplaced it if you had been youthful?
Roberta Collins: Not that I can actually recall, however once I thought of it at the moment, this morning once I was excited about it, I used to be speaking to my mother and he or she died whereas I used to be speaking to her, after which my aunt stated, oh, that I by no means was going to be something. I by no means was going to do something or be anyone as a result of I’d simply have infants.
Ray Higdon: That’s what your aunt stated you. Is she the one which began taking good care of you after your mother?
Roberta Collins: No, my dad took care of me after which he remarried shortly afterwards. I had a stepmom who had two daughters, however they’d get all the things and I’d get the hand me downs and I didn’t get to locations, solely they acquired to go locations and do issues. I attempted to inform my dad and he didn’t consider me. So I simply stored quiet about it. So we had been doing good. All the things was going good. Despite the fact that I wasn’t being handled proper. I used to be doing good. My dad had an incredible job. He was doing all he may for this new spouse and I simply noticed it as that they had all the things and I didn’t have something.
Ray Higdon: Did you attempt laborious as a child to attempt to present them that you just had been good?
Roberta Collins: Sure. I began work once I was 13. I simply labored like no matter I can do. I went to high school, went to school. I did all the things that I may to indicate them that I’m going to be any individual, however I all the time felt that I used to be missing someplace. So my husband who you stated did I stroll with away from, finally, sure, I ultimately walked away from him. Effectively, really he walked away from me. So I simply all the time really feel like I’m all the time within the background making an attempt to catch up, making an attempt to place my greatest foot ahead, so.
Ray Higdon: You’re making an attempt to–
Roberta Collins: If I don’t recruit anyone, then I wouldn’t should go that on to them.
Ray Higdon: Say that once more.
Roberta Collins: If I recruit somebody I take into consideration I don’t need to go that on them.
Ray Higdon: Move what onto them?
Roberta Collins: That feeling of I’m by no means going to get wherever. I don’t need them to really feel that they’re not going to get wherever.
Ray Higdon: As a result of that’s the way you had been made to really feel and also you’re rebelling towards that. So I’m sorry you went via that. You didn’t deserve that and that sucks. Along with your experiences, it’s very straightforward to attract the conclusion of not simply what you simply stated, which I’ll come again to, however why hassle? Hey, I attempted like hell as a child, I attempted like hell as a younger grownup, I attempted like hell right here and what did it get me? Why hassle? So there’s a quote that I typically go to. I simply talked about it at the moment really. I don’t need to butcher it so [inaudible].
So Brene Brown, you both stroll inside your story and personal it otherwise you stand outdoors your story and hustle in your worthiness. So that you’ve been hustle in your worthiness, however then additionally it’s like, effectively, why hassle as a result of it’s not going to work out anyway? It by no means does.
I can determine with one factor that you just stated of you by no means felt, you didn’t say the phrase, however for me it was, I by no means felt like a precedence. So my entire life, I projected that onto each relationship I ever had, together with Jess up till simply the final, I simply realized this and discovered this six months in the past, so even as much as six months in the past, I used to be nonetheless projecting this. The best way that I dealt with it was, you understand what, I’m not the precedence, however that’s okay. I’ll work laborious. I’ll maintain up my finish of the discount, nevertheless it’s okay that I’m not the precedence.
The issue is you discover what you search, you discover… Should you’re searching for that, you’ll discover proof each time. However it simply doesn’t serve you. It’s like we’re preventing for this contest to win this contest that could be a horrible contest, proper? Let me show why it’s not going to work out. Let me show why I’m not the precedence.
So you may stay inside your story and what that might appear like is you being prepared to share what you went via and that might really deliver hope to individuals, that might really deliver inspiration to individuals and to lots of people that don’t consider they’ll succeed or don’t consider that they’ll obtain, that it might really encourage them. I don’t know. Had been you in a position to catch Rank Makers Stay? Did you catch that in any respect?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: So Hank did an incredible job of speaking about this in that you just converse to the individual, you converse to you, proper, what did it’s essential to hear, proper. Even on this second, proper, what did it’s essential to hear? You’re excited about that individual of that person who has hustled for his or her worthiness their entire life solely to by no means get satisfaction to get, hey, that was price it, to solely draw the conclusion of why hassle. So you may converse to that individual, you may take into consideration that individual as you construct your corporation. I had a variety of issues not work out. I imply, I went via a divorce. I used to be engaged, disengaged. I imply, I failed.
Right here’s all of the issues I failed at. I imply, I failed at a dozen community advertising and marketing corporations earlier than I turned the primary earnings earner of 1. I failed at a title firm. I failed in mortgage. I failed in actual property. I failed in promoting. I’m certain I’m forgetting a couple of as a result of I simply blocked them out or one thing. However the are so many issues that I failed at. The fact is that doesn’t should be a life sentence. You not reaching the life that you just really need and deserve, you are able to do that. It doesn’t should be a life sentence, that as a result of we didn’t get handled the way in which we must always have been handled as a child means we’re doomed. Does that make sense?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: So you may create a complete new future. You can begin, you may embrace the idea which you can create something that you really want. With that consciousness of now I perceive why perhaps I’ve sabotaged or perhaps why I wasn’t so constant, with that consciousness, you’re now now not on autopilot. So I used to be teaching one in all our internal circle coaches, not yours, however a special one, and so I made her conscious that the rationale she doesn’t like recognition is as a result of she attracts adverse associations due to her older sibling and youthful sibling. She’s a center little one.
So if you happen to develop up as a baby, whether or not you’re the youngest, oldest, center, no matter, and also you getting consideration creates ache for one of many siblings, you then’re going to attract recognition equals ache. So that you’ll really sabotage your self. She requested me a query. She stated, “Effectively, how I alter this in my unconscious?” When you’re conscious of it, it’s not simply in your unconscious now. You’re conscious of it. So now you’re conscious, oh, because of this I’ve stopped being constant. Does that make sense initially? Are you conscious now?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: As a result of earlier than, you’re in all probability on autopilot. You’re like, “Why? I simply don’t really feel like doing it. I’m not doing it. I don’t know why.”
Roberta Collins: Proper.
Ray Higdon: That’s the place most individuals are. Most individuals have completely no thought why they’re not constant. In order that they purchase one other journal. They purchase one other course. They do one thing else. They get new fridge magnets. They write new affirmations. However if you happen to’re not conscious of what the core purpose is why you’re not constant, you then’re simply going to remain in that program irrespective of what number of trinkets and crystals and issues that, no matter, it simply doesn’t matter.
When you get conscious, now you have got a alternative, now you may say and also you’ll really feel, you’ll more than likely, it’s very possible you’ll nonetheless really feel that muscle, proper? You’ll recruit any individual after which be like, you’ll really feel that muscle, however you’ll know why and you can also make a special alternative. Is that useful?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: You assume, you are feeling like you are able to do it? You are feeling like you may recruit somebody and keep on the horse?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: As a result of I simply assume if you happen to take a look at the feedback, I don’t know if you happen to can see them or not, however if you happen to return and take a look at the replay and take a look at the feedback, there’s lots of people which can be impressed by you, lots of people which can be telling you that you just didn’t deserve that, since you completely didn’t. You stated one thing of, I overlook the way you worded it, however a variety of occasions individuals which were via a sort of abuse, which that could be a sort of abuse, proper? A few of us get the bodily abuse, a few of us get the psychological abuse, a few of us get each, and lots of people that undergo abuse, we, I say me, proper, you begin to assume that you just’re the one damaged, you’re the one which’s tousled. You’re not the one which’s tousled.
The people who parented you and gave you recommendation, they did the very best they may with what they knew primarily based on their experiences. I’ve heard horrible, horrible issues. Once more, it’s primarily based on what that individual knew primarily based on their experiences. They did the very best they may. There are some individuals on the market that they solely have skilled cruelty. They’ve solely skilled not lifting different individuals up, not caring. So simply know that you just’re not damaged. You didn’t deserve it. Your story can encourage individuals. It has tonight.
The extra that you just keep constant and begin creating extra outcomes, the extra individuals you’ll encourage and that can… Then sooner or later you’ll look and be like, “Man, I keep in mind the day once I thought I wasn’t adequate. However now all these individuals I’ve helped, all these individuals which can be thanking me on social media, which can be thanking me from stage, which can be succeeding, it’ll actually really feel good and it’s a very long time coming.”
Roberta Collins: I settle for it.
Ray Higdon: So useful? Do you are feeling good for it?
Roberta Collins: Sure, I do. I used to be listening to some issues at the moment and I used to be like, “Oh wow. I imply, that was actually form of like a light-weight bulb.” Then after all I used to be like, “Ought to I am going on right here? Ought to I coach it Ray or not?” I virtually modified my thoughts.
Ray Higdon: That’s that’s the id. We now have an habit to our id, of how massive we play, how we present up, how constant we’re, what we consider ourselves. After we begin to enter right into a realm that challenges that id, it’s a battle. You’re preventing a bucking bronco. It desires to remain the identical as a result of it sees that if I keep the identical, I’ll be secure. Not less than I do know this world. It’s not the world I would like. It’s not my potential, however no less than I do know it. I can’t get harm that dangerous. If I don’t have any expectations, then you may’t actually harm me a lot. It desires to maintain us secure.
So it’s quite common for us to sabotage that subsequent transfer or no less than ponder sabotaging, which you didn’t sabotage, you confirmed up tonight and this simply wouldn’t have occurred if you happen to weren’t prepared for that, for the transformation, if you happen to weren’t able to, like Joe Dispenza says, cross the stream and enter that new id. So I feel you’re going to encourage lots of people with this and I recognize you taking part in massive and being susceptible on right here.
Roberta Collins: Thanks for having me.
Ray Higdon: For certain. Effectively, we’re rooting for you and I do know Forrest is simply too, that’s your coach, proper? Forrest?
Roberta Collins: Sure.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. He’s within the feedback. He’s rooting for you. He’s in all probability crying proper now. Wipe these tears Forrest. Step it up. However we’re rooting for you Roberta, actually happy with you and be sure you return and take a look at these feedback as a result of there’s lots of people rooting for you and we consider in you.
Roberta Collins: Thanks. I’ve by no means heard that earlier than, that I’m happy with you.
Ray Higdon: We’re happy with you. You’re going to assist lots of people. You’re going to assist lots of people which have had related circumstances as you, proper? They’ve heard related issues. They’ve been advised that they wouldn’t out to something both. I used to be advised that too. So go on the market and assist them out.
Roberta Collins: Okay.
Ray Higdon: All proper.
Roberta Collins: Okay.
Ray Higdon: All proper, Roberta. Give Roberta some love. Isn’t she wonderful? So superior. Recognize you.
Roberta Collins: Thanks.
