When perfectionism and procrastination mix, this may be your individual worst enemy. In the present day Ray helps Laser Teaching visitor escape of this cycle.
If you wish to see the total coaching click on HERE or the picture under…
How To Step Out Of Procrastination and Perfectionism
Ray Higdon: We obtained our subsequent great particular person right here, we obtained Ed. Ed, what’s occurring?
Ed: Good morning, how are you?
Ray Higdon: Morning, morning. So, identical query. The place are you at man and the way are issues?
Ed: My largest problem is, I’m a perfectionist and I’ve been like that since highschool. The place again after I was in highschool, we didn’t have a phrase processors or phrase or computer systems or something, so I must hand write my essays, again at the moment. And if I tousled, I didn’t need to erase as a result of it regarded dangerous, so I’d begin the entire thing over. And it’s been an ongoing factor with me, the place all the things must be good. I imply, even after I was sitting right here and also you had been speaking to Missy, I’m form of like, is my head in the midst of the display screen? What’s occurring? And it drives me loopy and it’s a great and a nasty factor, I feel however that’s my largest problem is, all the things must be good, so I freeze and I don’t do something till I feel all the things’s excellent. And when it’s, it’s nonetheless not excellent, I’ll discover one thing else that must be finished completely different.
Ray Higdon: So, did you have got a dad or mum that was fairly robust on you?
Ed: what? My mother and pop obtained divorced after I was 5 months outdated and my mother raised me herself, she by no means remarried. So, she was robust, she needed to be as a result of I used to be an solely youngster and I used to be a ache. I used to be a ache to her and she or he’s a great mother and she or he was robust however I feel I wanted a father determine round as effectively.
Ray Higdon: The place do you suppose this began? The place do you suppose you being obsessed about being excellent began?
Ed: I feel I used to be born this manner, solely as a result of I wish to say I used to be identified with a 180 IQ and- [crosstalk] Ray Higdon: I didn’t know they may diagnose that.
Ed: Typically it’s detrimental as a result of I wasn’t a great scholar. I used to be a great scholar till I used to be put in particular courses for the sensible youngsters and I feel I obtained bored. And again in that day, I obtained uninterested in it, didn’t like studying or something however as I obtained older, I form of paid extra consideration to life and issues round me and loved studying once more. And simply ever since I used to be younger, I’ve had that, all the things must be good. In any other case, it drives me loopy.
Ray Higdon: So, you’re in community advertising and marketing, proper?
Ed: Sure.
Ray Higdon: Why did you be part of community advertising and marketing? What was the explanation?
Ed: I’ve a pal, an expensive pal, after I was a youngster he form of took me beneath his wing. He was 21, simply obtained out of the military and he launched me to one of many first community advertising and marketing corporations I joined. And, once more, I’ve to do issues good. So, in 2013, I began following this guru, went to certainly one of his retreats and I realized all of the scripts, all the things however he was a face-to-face man. He mentioned, you can’t construct your online business by social media, you must do it face-to-face. So, I did that since 2013 after which any person I met by social media, Howard Smith, a pal of mine now, he really launched me to you. After which I noticed, oh, you are able to do this by social media. However a pal of mine, from manner again after I was a child, launched me to it and I see the imaginative and prescient and I’ve been in ever since.
Ray Higdon: What was the explanation you joined? What had been you hoping to realize?
Ed: At first, I needed to earn money. However in 2008, when the true property bubble burst, we misplaced our rental and now I need to assist individuals not… I don’t need that to occur to anybody. And I do know it is a automobile that some individuals can use to assist themselves financially. So, I simply need to assist individuals, whether or not it’s, in the event that they’re in a state of affairs like I used to be or they obtained laid off. With this pandemic, there’s every kind of issues occurring on the market, the place individuals are hurting. I simply love individuals, I really like serving to them, that’s certainly one of my largest targets, is simply to alter individuals’s lives.
Ray Higdon: So, are you taking motion?
Ed: I am going in bursts and I get enthusiastic about one thing, possibly a video you probably did or a ebook I used to be studying or one thing I devour from any person else and I’m like, ah, that is superior. And in my thoughts, I see the photographs, I see myself succeeding after which I am going for 2, three weeks after which the hearth form of dies out. If that is smart.
Ray Higdon: Do you get outcomes throughout these two or three weeks?
Ed: I’ve not gotten outcomes currently, no. I attempt to concentrate on the actions and never the outcomes.
Ray Higdon: However the actions solely final two or three weeks.
Ed: Sure.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So, I imply, one, very troublesome to construct something by doing it in bursts like that, proper?
Ed: Proper.
Ray Higdon: Very, very troublesome. And since you don’t know who, for those who would have adopted up with them, who would have moved ahead. And perfectionists, there’s normally, not at all times however normally there’s two issues with perfectionists. One, they’re frightened of wanting dangerous, they’re frightened of the opinions of others and two, they’re normally extra procrastinators. And I don’t know if both of these match what you are feeling however that is one thing that, how you modify that is everytime you make your mission increased than your self-image. So, everytime you make, I need to make an affect, when that’s extra vital than the way you look to others, you’ll do the work.
Ed: I don’t actually care how I look to others, I do are likely to procrastinate. I’ve an everyday job, so I am going to work, I bust my bottom after which after I get dwelling, I’m simply fried numerous instances. And all through the day, I’m considering, okay, I’m going to go dwelling, I’m going to prospect, I’m going to do that, that and the opposite factor. After which I’m simply burnt out on the finish of the day. After which I feel- [crosstalk]
Ray Higdon: And do you want that? Do you want your job? Is it an amazing job?
Ed: I’m a customer support rep for a house builder and I do like coping with individuals, typically I get hammered by people who find themselves sad but- [crosstalk].
Ray Higdon: Particularly these days, proper?
Ed: Yeah. I typically prefer it, simply because I like coping with people who find themselves understanding and may be good.
Ray Higdon: So, what’s your dream life? You mentioned you see footage and stuff, is your dream life embrace this job?
Ed: No.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So, lots of people, their purpose for why I can’t ought to be the explanation why they need to. If a job wasn’t a part of my dream life and I’m exhausted on the finish of the day, that’s the explanation I’m going to do the work, not the explanation that I can’t do the work as a result of that cycle won’t ever finish, proper?
Ed: Proper.
Ray Higdon: If I’m simply, if I am going to the job that I like however isn’t my dream job and I do know that we solely reside one life, then I come dwelling, I’m exhausted, that’s the explanation I’m going to place within the work. And so, my final job I labored for an insurance coverage firm, didn’t take pleasure in it, labored numerous hours. Loads of instances I would depart earlier than the children had been awake and are available dwelling after they had been asleep and that was the explanation that I began engaged on my breaks. I finished hanging out with coworkers throughout my lunch, began doing the work then. I began listening to audios on the way in which to work, on the way in which again dwelling. After which I might get dwelling and do work then too. And so, it’s not like I had a job that wasn’t tiring, it was tiring however I used to be simply sick of it. I used to be sick of that and I knew if I didn’t do one thing that may keep my existence. And so, the explanation of I’m drained and an consciousness of that’s not my dream life, ought to be the explanation you do the work.
Ed: Yeah. That is smart.
Ray Higdon: However I feel I might simply grow to be, much like what I used to be speaking to Missy about is, I might simply grow to be conscious of what non serving issues do I consider and am I repeating, that isn’t serving me, proper? I imply, I might do that as a horrible expertise however I might begin saying in the present day that I’m a perfectionist and on a regular basis I repeat it time and again and time and again, over once more, over once more and finally I’ll grow to be a perfectionist, proper? I’ll, no, no, no, no, proper? And so, I’ll decelerate how a lot work I do, I’ll care extra about how others view my work and possibly you don’t, proper? You’re a uncommon perfectionist. And so, I’ll look and care about how, I higher dot that I and finally all grow to be that.
And so, I might take a look at that as, is that actually serving me? And that is, for intellectuals this may be robust, proper? I wasn’t cursed with intellectualism, I don’t suppose. However for intellectuals, that may be robust since you suppose it’s what it’s, it’s not. You’ll be able to grow to be something that you really want, there’s nothing that’s held again from you, solely that what you consider is held again from you. And so, you’ll be able to select proper now to be that individual of large motion, to be that person who does affect lots of people, at a time on the planet’s historical past the place it’s wanted. Individuals want you that, they want you to step up, they want you to do the work. They’re by no means going to go to your house builder however they might discover you on social media, by your online business.
And so, you’ll be able to grow to be that however I might cease being so satisfied on what I do know and that’s the place I really feel you might be, proper? , however I’m a perfectionist and I can’t change this. Nicely, you modify no matter you need. I imply, shit, they’ve confirmed that there are individuals with a number of character issues can change their eye coloration, clarify that. And we will’t go from perfectionist to somebody that’s producing at a excessive degree, in fact, we will. And so, something is feasible, you’ll be able to grow to be no matter you need however you must consider that. And so long as you’re solidly clenched in to what’s actual and anything shouldn’t be, then very troublesome to make change.
Ed: Yeah. I coached baseball for 17 years, I liked it. And I might at all times be cognizant of what the children mentioned after they had been on the sector, I can’t or I’m this. So, what you’re telling me is, the way in which I might coach individuals and I don’t suppose it occurred to me till you mentioned that, so thanks.
Ray Higdon: Yeah. Have you ever heard me share my goofy dance story?
Ed: No. I haven’t heard that one.
Ray Higdon: Okay. So, I’ll share it. And I do know that somebody right here have heard this a couple of instances. Since you’re on the sector, proper? You’re on the sector of life. And so, what you say issues on this area that we’re on and in pursuit of that area, that we really is what we need to be, proper? We’re on this area proper right here, we need to be that area. And so, the extra that we will see and consider and be that area, it turns into. And so, final yr for our anniversary, I purchased dance classes for my spouse and I.
And I simply needed to spend extra time along with her and I didn’t actually care a lot about studying dance essentially however I needed to spend extra time along with her. And so, we begin studying dance. After all, I used to be horrible, she was superb. She’s spinning and kicking and every kind of stuff and I’m similar to Frankenstein. And so, about 4 months in, lengthy story brief, what we determine, we need to compete, proper? And I come to the conclusion that I’ve barely improved in any respect.
4 months of going one to 2 instances every week, each week, I’ve actually barely improved. And the teacher would say one thing and I might say, oh, I’ll attempt to I used to be continuously nagging myself continuously. And so, I noticed someday that, man, I’m not utilizing any of my psychological energy on this factor referred to as dance. What the hell am I doing? That is loopy. And so, I simply began seeing myself as a great dancer. I began simply placing intention behind it and began seeing it. And so, if there’s something I need to be, if I need to communicate in entrance of 100,000 individuals, if I needed corporations to make me provides, if I need to be a great dancer, see it as if it’s already occurred after which ask myself this query, what would show that that’s true? And create a sequence of feelings round it. And so, on this specific occasion, I mentioned, okay, I’m a great dancer. What would show this to be true?
And so, I noticed my dance teacher say, wow, spectacular. I noticed the dance studio proprietor say, very a lot improved. And so, I see these items, I really feel and it feels good, I’m a great dancer now. And I am going into the dance studio and I inform them, I say, hey, I simply need to apologize. I’ve been residing in my previous and simply not likely utilizing my psychological energy so far however as of in the present day, I’m a great dancer. And so they’re like, okay, proper? This man’s misplaced his thoughts. And so, 4 days later, my dance teacher, I do one thing and she or he mentioned, wow, spectacular.
Verbatim what I had seen 4 days prior. That very same lesson, I do some fan that the dance studio proprietor had instructed me to work on and she or he goes, very a lot improved. Verbatim, precisely what I noticed. And so, we go, we compete and we had 3, 4, 5 completely different those that we didn’t know come as much as us and say, oh my God, you guys look so good as a pair. How lengthy you been doing this?
What? Lower than a yr? Oh my God, you guys are superb. We had so many individuals come as much as us and a few got here… She was undoubtedly superb and I really feel like I did my best. Individuals got here as much as me, when she wasn’t round and instructed me that I used to be doing good. I’m like, wow, this feels superb.
The instructors mentioned, they mentioned, you keep in mind that day once you got here in right here and also you mentioned you’re a great dancer, impulsively? I’ll let you know, your dance abilities have exponentially skyrocketed. It was like that day, there was like a fork within the street and also you simply obtained so significantly better since that day. And so, that’s your energy, you have got that energy. You’ll be able to select to go from this, not using your energy, I’m only a perfectionist, I’m drained, to I’ve limitless energy and I may be regardless of the hell I need.
And so, you have got that, you inform others that, now you bought to inform your self that, which is the most important dragon to slay. That’s the beast that exhibits up in many alternative types, that’s there to maintain you small and comfortable, even when we don’t just like the comfortableness. And so, take that medication that you just give to others and also you select to be that highly effective model of your self and you’ll begin impacting extra individuals and you’ll begin to transfer towards into your dream life. Does that assist?
Ed: Yeah, undoubtedly. Thanks for that. Would it not be okay if I requested a query, one other questions?
Ray Higdon: Certain. Certain.
Ed: One in every of my largest fears about turning into profitable and getting individuals into my group is that, I gained’t be capable to assist them, that I’ll allow them to down. [crosstalk]
Ray Higdon: You’ll look dangerous.
Ed: What was that?
Ray Higdon: You’ll look dangerous.
Ed: I suppose [crosstalk] I needed to ponder that one. However I need to assist individuals, I don’t need to allow them to down. I’ll ponder that however I don’t really feel prefer it’s me not eager to look dangerous, it’s me letting different individuals down, not with the ability to assist them. [crosstalk]
Ray Higdon: The one manner for us to ensure not let anyone down is to play so small, nobody notices. And that’s the place you’ve been. You’ve been taking part in so small that you just couldn’t probably let anybody down. You will have limitless energy inside you. Now, does this imply you’re certifying and notarizing a ladder that, I’ll by no means let anybody down.
After all, you’re going to let somebody down. Somebody will are available in with flawed expectations. Somebody will are available in they usually had been instructed one thing that wasn’t true. Somebody will misunderstand you. You’re going to let individuals down, that’s going to occur however that may by no means be your intention. And so, if we need to forestall ever letting anyone down, it’s actually easy, proper? The homeless individual doesn’t let anybody down, proper? We keep proper right here, everybody has clear expectations of us, we don’t serve anybody. I can’t let down if I don’t offer you something. And so, that’s not the life that you just need to reside.
You need to reside a life the place, if you wish to encourage somebody, each time you go for inspiration, you’re going to run the danger of letting somebody down. And so, somebody, may’ve been your dad, I don’t know, somebody allow you to down and that turned your public enemy primary, I don’t ever need to let somebody down, proper? And so, somebody allow you to down and that turned your enemy, I don’t need to ever let anybody down however so that you can reside that life, you’re residing a lot smaller than you could possibly be. [crosstalk]
Ed: That helps and is smart. [crosstalk]
Ray Higdon: You bought to be keen to run danger of letting somebody down as a result of that’s the one manner you’ll be able to assist others, is by you displaying up powerfully, is by you displaying up together with your potential. You’re by no means going to forestall somebody feeling let down, proper? I run that danger every single day. I get a detrimental Instagram remark every single day. And so, if I didn’t need to get that, I might simply conceal and never be on digicam ever and never do something and simply disappear and begin a farm or one thing. However that’s not who I’m, that’s not what my soul is asking for. Your soul is asking so that you can be greater however you’re residing these patterns of, let me not let anybody down.
Ed: I see.
Ray Higdon: Does that assist?
Ed: Sure, thanks. I admire it.
Ray Higdon: Don’t be so hooked on, let me completely escape ever letting somebody down since you’ll simply by no means reside as massive as you’ll be able to and affect as many as you’ll be able to. Should you take a look at how many individuals you’re positively impacting proper now and also you instances that by 100 however there’s the attainable to let individuals down, I feel you’d be happier together with your life.
